Sitting down at my desk this morning, I opened Twitter for my usual pre work browse. My eye was caught by this tweet, which linked to an article by the BBC ‘Antidepressants ‘could be risk to unborn babies”.
Of course, I clicked straight through. My recurrent depression and uneven support and information from mental health services means I have been on varying doses of Citalopram since I was 17 – almost 13 years now. For most of the last seven years I have been attempting to reduce my dose.
I have a range of support and techniques in place – Mindfulness, exercise, writing being the main ones. Despite these, I haven’t managed to get below 20mg. Above 20, all is well. Below 20, things become a slog, a constant joyless fight against endless rumination and negative fog.
I’m also almost 30 and with a long term partner. It won’t be long until I’m thinking more seriously about pregnancy. Future pregnancy is one of the reasons I am trying to cut down. I’ve been told in the past by doctors that they would always recommend a mother continued with appropriate antidepressants during pregnancy if she needs them – that a depressed mother is a much greater risk to a baby than anything else. But, ideally I’d rather not be taking them – especially given the occasional headlines about the risks. These tend to ‘trigger’ increased worry and rumination associated with depression. It’s not always rational – but depressive thoughts aren’t. Continue reading